Much Ado About Dating
by Kyra Rivers
Summary: It's fifth year at Hogwarts, and Sirius Black wants to go on a double date. Unfortunately, he's dragged Remus Lupin along for the ride, on a date where just about everything seems to go wrong.
1. Prologue: Setting the Scene

**  
  
Much Ado About Dating**  
_Prologue: Setting the Scene_  


  
  
  
  
  
Remus Lupin really wasn't the suspicious type.  
  
He was the studious type, to a degree - often he was the first to suggest going to the library to research, confident in the depth of the material and thrilled by the sheer fact that he was able to go there. He was also somewhat of a quiet type, though if this was noted by any of his classmates, it would be because two of his best friends were so talkative that they didn't even stop talking when the teacher began. And not only were Remus' close friends talkative, but they were also very loud. Due to this, Remus often appeared to be of the quiet sort, whether or not that was really correct. (Remus maintained that it wasn't - he spoke plenty of times, and often, when he was with his friends, and would often answer questions in class. Sirius debated that he was, and often took great measures to make his friend "lighten up," so to speak.) But it had never before been uttered that Remus was a suspicious person; that role fit Sirius and Peter more than it did Remus, as the latter was actually more apt to pause and wait for explanation than the former two.  
  
But Remus couldn't help the suspicion that crept over his form as he walked up the stairs towards his dorm room, which he, interestingly enough, shared with his three closest friends.  
  
He couldn't quite explain it; all Remus knew was that Sirius had left them all after their last class, chirping intriguingly, "Important business to be had, my lads!" while Remus sighed and cursed himself for ever introducing Sirius to the works of J.R.R. Tolkien. ***** (As all that had happened as a result was Sirius sprouting off random quotes from the books at asinine times, in completely incorrect context. He was getting better at it, after one two many exasperated cries of "Fool of a Took!" from Remus in retribution, but _really_...) In any case, Sirius hadn't been seen during supper, either - though Peter informed Remus that Sirius had, in fact, stolen some food from the kitchens; information obtained via a random house- elf - and by the time supper had finished, Remus, James and Peter were all a bit perplexed about their friend's disappearance. James had shrugged it off - "After all," he explained through a mouthful of pudding, "it's not like he's off turning into a werewolf, like _someone_ we know." Remus had sent him a good natured glare -, and decided to go up the library to start on a paper for Herbology. Peter, after a bit of hesitation, decided to quell his curiosity about Sirius and go to the library with James, though this decision didn't surprise Remus that much, as Peter practically idolized their bespeckled friend. In any case, Remus was left to search for the missing Sirius on his own.  
  
And, after checking some of the less obvious places - Sirius was quite fond of the Randomly Exploding Objects Room, as well as the Hallway of Inexplicably Nude Female Statues, which somehow never seemed to take off their clothes when students were nearby (much to the four boys' disappointment, after first finding the hallway of legends) -, Remus wound up heading towards the dorm room, thinking to give up on his fruitless search and do some Potions homework. But as he walked up the stairs, Remus could hear Sirius' loud, confident voice talking to someone, which Remus had assumed to be James and/or Peter, back from the library. Probably laughing about his silly searching, too, considering how pointless it had become.  
  
But when a distinctly feminine voice answered, Remus' emotions had gone away from embarrassment and delved headfirst into suspicion. For one, because the four boys had a pact that no "conquests" - Sirius' term, not Remus' - were too be made in the dorm room unless behind a bed curtain and a strong Silencing charm. (As none of the four boys wished to walk in on one of the others naked and in a comprising situation with another naked person.) The second reason Remus was suspicious was because, if Sirius wasn't doing anything which involved the removal of clothing, it could only mean that he was plotting. With a female. (And it had to be a female, because even though Peter was still amidst the changing of the voice in regards to his puberty, there was no mistaking the _very_ high-pitched giggling.) And Sirius plotting with a female of any sort was dire news indeed, because it was - apparently - Sirius' life-long goal to see each of his friends hooked up.  
  
Just as Remus stepped outside the door, he tried to convince himself that he was worrying over nothing, and all Sirius was doing was planning his next date to Hogsmede or excursion to the Astronomy Tower. Unfortunately, however fiercely his rational side argued, Remus' logical side maintained, solidly, that the rational side's defense was crap, and Sirius was plotting. Remus sighed, and pushed open the door.  
  
"Hey," was Remus' greeting as he walked in, noting how quickly Sirius had stopped talking, and how utterly guilty he now appeared. The girl - currently sitting on the edge of James' bed, with a sequin-edged bag seated by her feet - Remus knew as Samantha Meyer, Sirius' current "girlfriend." (As if that really meant more than "the girl Sirius was currently snogging with.") She wasn't much on the brainy side of things, but she was kind, and Sirius wasn't that picky when it came to good-looking girls and intelligence. And Sam certainly was pretty, with blonde hair that she constantly twirled - it drove Remus and Peter nuts - and expertly applied Make-up charms and accessories. It was truly all that Sirius needed, as Sirius had more than once clarified to his friends. (And not just with Sam, but also with Iris, Diana, and Angela before her. And a few other girls whose names Remus couldn't quite remember.)  
  
"Remus!" chirped Sirius happily, quickly sweeping away his guilty expression and donning one of pure charisma. He trotted across the room and draped an arm over Remus' shoulders - Remus' suspicious feeling significantly increased - and said, affectionately, "Just the man I was looking for."  
  
Remus pulled away and stared at Sirius, dark worry coloring his eyes, and asked, flatly, "What do you want?"  
  
"Nothing, nothing, just an afternoon of your ti-"  
  
"You set me up again, didn't you?" Remus gaped, staring at his friend incredulously. "After I told you not to?" Briefly, Remus flashed back to the horrid experience of his first date, as arranged by Sirius, with a Gryffindor girl two years older than himself, Addison Otopolik. Also known as "the most opinionated girl in the world," a title that Remus was quick to give her after enduring three hours with the girl in silent distress. What was worse, Addison - or "Sadie", according to her friend Karissa - had enjoyed Remus' company, and wanted to go out again. Remus, terrified, had forced Sirius to break things off with her. Sirius had, but unfortunately, Addison was on the Gryffindor Quidditch team, and Sirius, a Beater, found himself beamed with a Bludger or two the next practice. To this day, Remus couldn't go near the curly-haired Chaser without severe feelings of wariness creeping into his system.  
  
"Well, I-" Sirius began.  
  
"And you!" Remus interrupted, staring at a wide-eyed Sam blinking prettily up at the two of them. "What part did you have to play in this?" He didn't mean to sound so accusing - Sam visibly flinched and bit her lip nervously - but the mere memory of the afternoon with Addison had caused him to get a bit tense.  
  
"_Well_," Sam emphasized after a bit of hesitation, smacking her lips, "My friend - you know, Delia-" Actually, Remus didn't know, but he let her continue, "See, she wants to go on a double date with me, but she doesn't have a boyfriend, y'know? So, I told her I'd talk to Siri, and he said that you'd be okay with it. Y'know?"  
  
Okay, for the record, there was more than just the hair twirling that Remus couldn't stand about Sirius' new girlfriend. Another thing that bothered him was her habit of repeating the phrase "you know" in practically every sentence she uttered, as if she had to convince herself that the others around her weren't quite as brain-dead as she was. There was also the nicknames she constantly addressed Sirius with - "Siri", being a common one, as well as "Puppy" (after Sirius informed her just _what_ his name meant), and the ever irritating "Si-poo." Remus wasn't alone in his opinion on the last one; James and Peter agreed wholeheartedly, and even Sirius had to admit that there were times when he wanted to slam the girl's head into the wall after one too many "Si-poo"'s. And yet Sirius continued to go out with Sam, despite the fact that her bra size was, quite possibly, greater than her I.Q.  
  
In any case, Remus was at a bit of a loss for how to respond to Sam's assessment (without, of course, sounding like a complete and total git. He was, after all, supposed to be the nice one of the group.) "Er -," Remus began, pausing. Unfortunately, this gave Sirius the opportunity he needed to step in.  
  
"You see, Rem," Sirius stated easily, taking Remus' arm and leading him over towards the bed area, "Her friend Delia is kind of shy, and I just thought, say, why don't I let her go on a date with an older boy - such as yourself - to give her a bit of a confidence boost? And really, I thought of James at first, but he's so popular, it might terrify the poor, innocent fourth-year. And Peter - well, no offense meant, but you'd think that Delia would like to go with an older boy who was actually taller than her. Then I thought of you, Remus, and really, it just seemed to fit! You're kind of quiet and reserved, and I don't think she'll be put off by you, and besides, you're a good-looking chap." Sirius said all of this with a very suave, charismatic charm that Remus didn't buy for an instant.  
  
"_Very_ good-looking," Sam emphasized with a ditzy nod and large, agreeable smile.  
  
"Hey now," Sirius murmured, turning to give a good-natured glare at his younger girlfriend - or, as James aptly put it once, "snog-bunny." Sirius waggled his finger at her and scolded, "No hitting on my friends."  
  
"Shouldn't she leave?" Remus asked, not so subtly, and gave Sirius a very distinct look. "After all, James and Peter are going to come up soon, and you know how anal Peter is about girls in the room."  
  
"Peter isn't an- ow!" Sirius broke off as Remus discretely kicked him in the ankle - a feat made much easier by the robes they both donned - and then continued, "Er - yeah, Sam, sorry. Peter, you know..."  
  
"Your little friend?" Sam queried absently, with a wrinkle of the nose. "I don't like him that much." Remus suppressed the sudden desire to shake the blonde girl until she obtained a bit of sense, and gave Sirius a very direct glare.  
  
Sirius noticed, and was clearly put off his guard. (Remus, if he could say so himself, had a very good glare, perfected throughout the years. He didn't use it often, but when he did, it tended to work - as stated eloquently by James, who seemed to have a knack for such things, Remus' eyes would "grow ice-hard" and his face "stone-cold,"and "everything within a twenty foot radius would suddenly feel the chill of death tearing down their spine." When James had first said this, Remus had only been able to stare blankly at him for a moment before Sirius smacked the ebony-haired boy across the head and critiqued, "Merlin, but you suck, James." Even Peter had snickered.)  
  
"I'll see you tomorrow, then, Sam," Sirius was saying, as he lead his girlfriend out the door, a hand placed tenderly on her back. She murmured something in response, and he said, "Aw, but it'd be rude to leave Remus up here alone, especially when I have to convince him to go out with Delia, right? Okay. G'night." A brief sound of kissing made Remus roll his eyes and be thankful that he was turned away from the door, and then the door closed.  
  
Remus whirled around immediately, and asked, "Okay, now we can talk. _What_ the _hell_?"  
  
"Oh, come _off_ it," snapped Sirius right back, rolling his eyes and slumping onto a desk chair. Pulling out his wand, he murmured a spell, and suddenly, a chocolate bar came flying at him from across the room. Ripping off the wrapper and taking a bite, Sirius continued, "I already _told_ you guys, she pretty _and_ she's willing to snog with me whenever I want. So what if she's not the brightest in the lot? I mean, she's nice enough, right?"  
  
"Actually, I was talking about the whole date thing," Remus correctly, raising an eyebrow, "but I'm not exactly thrilled about Little Miss Lack of Intelligence either. Merlin, but she is annoying."  
  
"Peter is too, sometimes, but we're still friend with _him_," Sirius debated.  
  
"He, at least, has redeemable qualities," Remus apprised.  
  
"So does she!"  
  
"Oh, right," exclaimed Remus, apparently just remembering, "I forgot about her breasts. A thousand pardons."  
  
"_And_ she's a fairly good snog," concluded Sirius with a nod, munching on the chocolate bar. He habitually broke of a piece for Remus, who took it without comment and ate it. Feeling the loss of an argument apparent, Remus sighed and slumped onto the corner of James' bed, where Sam had been sitting only moments before.  
  
After a moment, Remus muttered, half-rhetorically, "Wouldn't it just be easier to hire a prostitute? At least _we_ wouldn't have to deal with her."  
  
"Too much money," answered Sirius immediately, giving Remus the vague impression that he had thought about it before. "Besides, I want my girls to be willing. Y'know, not in it just for the money, but all for me."  
  
"But they'd have training if you hired them," quipped Remus simply, raising an eyebrow.  
  
"Huh - never thought about it that way," murmured Sirius with a far- away expression, contemplating Remus' suggestion. Then his blue eyes focused, and Sirius grinned at Remus, saying, "But that's not the point anyway. Will you go on the date with Delia?"  
  
Remus sighed. "And of course you'd choose me. I mean, I only _expressively forbade you_ from setting me up on dates."  
  
"What I said before was true," defended Sirius, raising his arms as if to stop Remus from attacking him. "James is much too popular for her, 'cause she _is_ shy, and really, would I be so cruel to inflict Peter on an innocent little fourth-year?"  
  
"You inflicted Sam on us," Remus reminded him with a bit of a twitch, pulling a deadpan expression as he glared lightly at his brown-haired friend.  
  
"Well, the lot of you are more resilient," explained Sirius offhandedly, "and besides, according to Sam, Delia thinks you're cute. You _are_ fairly attractive, and out of all of us, you are the best at pretending you're perfectly happy and calm when you're really teed off and irritated."  
  
"What a quality," muttered Remus sarcastically, rolling his eyes. Sirius finished his chocolate bar, wadded up the wrapper, and tossed it towards the nearest waste basket. It missed by five feet.  
  
"Ah, bollocks."  
  
"You suck."  
  
"Sod off, Rem," snarled Sirius easily as he slowly got up off his chair and made his way towards the ball of trash. As he went, he continued, "Anyway, could you just go? I mean, it'll be different this time - I'll be there, so you won't be alone, and we'll be in some kind of mall or something, instead of a private dinner, so you can zone out if you want."  
  
"Wait, wait," Remus said, holding up a hand to gesture Sirius to halt. "A mall? We're going on this date-thing Muggle-style?"  
  
"Yeah, see, that's why I want to," Sirius proclaimed, a grin lighting up on his face. "Christmas break is coming up, and Dumbledore says that as long as you get permission from your parents, you can hitch a ride on the Knight bus to go somewhere. For shopping or something, I guess; don't really know why. But anyway, Sam thought that we could go to Muggle London - from Diagon Alley, obviously - and see some sort of... moving picture show or something. And then just explore for awhile. Doesn't that sound great?"  
  
Remus blinked at his friend, knowing full well that Sirius' fascination with Muggles was only in part because of his pre-ordained interest; mostly, however, it was because his parents insisted on purity of the bloodlines and absolutely despised anything related with non-magic folk. Sirius, who detested his family, tried very hard to go against them. Remus remembered the many nights Sirius had spent complaining bitterly about what rubbish his brother Regulus was now sprouting, or how his cousin Narcissa had married Lucius Malfoy, a well-known and distinguished millionaire. ("Sodding git, is more like it," Sirius had informed his three friends, "though I supposed Narcissa deserves him. Too bad, I was still holding out hope that she'd starve to death by a lake." ****** Remus remembered that day particularly well, because he had choked on his pumpkin juice as soon as he heard Sirius' quip, and wound up alternately coughing and laughing for the next five minutes.)  
  
"So you want to go to a movie theater?" Remus questioned bluntly, though he couldn't help but smile as he remembered Sirius' creative interpretations of his cousin's name. Then, raising an eyebrow, Remus asked, "What makes you think your parents will go with this?"  
  
"Oh, that's the great part," Sirius proclaimed excitedly, having sat back down on the desk chair. He leaned forward, grinning brightly, as he continued, "See, I figure I'll just tell them about needing to go to Diagon Alley to get Christmas gifts. I do, you know, and I'll subtly suggest that I _really_ just want to go to Knockturn Alley, but of course, I can't say _that_ in my letter. Mum still keeps a silver of hope that I'm not a total lost cause, despite getting sorted into Gryffindor and, y'know, constantly defying her, so she'll be thrilled that I'm showing interest in my family's indigenous breeding grounds."  
  
"You won't mention me, of course," Remus offered calmly, serving as a subtle reminder that while Sirius' Mum didn't _really_ mind James - a wealthy pureblood of a prominent, if not quite so dark, family - or Peter - much lower class and more akin to servant work, but still pureblood -, the ghastly woman absolutely despised Remus for being "half-blooded filth, spawned by a disgusting Mudblood." (During first year, Sirius hadn't been wise enough to keep his friendships to himself, and had written home; he had received a Howler back, insisting that he break off relations with Remus. Remus, concerned, had avoided Sirius for nearly a month before Sirius finally got fed up with it, cornered Remus, and told him all about his family.)  
  
"Of course not," Sirius replied, looking exasperated that Remus had brought it up, "and I'm not going to mention the girls either. Just me. She should agree, unless she's feeling particularly vindictive for some odd reason." Then, shaking his head as if to forget all about his family, Sirius continued, "But anyway, I really want to go to this thing. Delia's Muggle-born, so she can show us around Muggle London, but she won't go unless _she_ has a date, too, 'cause she'll feel like a third wheel."  
  
"Well, why _not_ James-?" Remus began, only to have Sirius interrupt him.  
  
"No, no, I already _told_ you, James is too popular for her; she'll probably die or something," he explained, sighing dramatically. "Besides, he always spends his Christmases at home with his Mum and Dad, and that's in Wales, and they won't let him up and go to London for a day. Not on Christmas break; they'll say something about never seeing him and all that."  
  
"And you think my Mum won't have a problem with this?" Remus asked curiously.  
  
"Will she?"  
  
Remus hesitated, and then shrugged. "I'm not sure. Probably not." Remus knew, logically, that if he wanted to get out of the date, he should have just said "Yes," but Sirius _knew_ his Mum, and besides, Remus didn't like lying when he didn't have to.  
  
"See? It's good. Besides, you live on the outskirts of London, it's not as far as James," stated Sirius simply.  
  
For a few moments, the two boys sat in silence, with Sirius watching Remus expectantly and Remus deliberately looking everywhere but at Sirius. Remus found himself wishing for James and Peter to show up, if only to break the silence, but also so James could - hypothetically - insist on going on the date himself. (Despite being clearly enamored with one Lily Evans.) Or Peter could cajole Sirius into taking him instead, which Remus knew logically that Sirius would never agree to, simply because he oftentimes grew annoyed with Peter and didn't want to agree to spending a full day with the pudgy boy if he could help it, girls or not. And yet, Remus held out the faint hope that something would happen to prevent him from having to agree, because he knew that he _would_ agree if nothing did. Sirius clearly wanted to visit the movie theater, if only to one-up his mum, and if Remus didn't agree, it would probably cause a bit of aggravation between the two of them.  
  
So, as nothing happened within the next few minutes to convince Sirius that Remus was the absolute worst choice for this excursion, Remus found himself slowing acquiescing, "Oh - _all_ _right_, I'll go." It certainly didn't help that Sirius had been giving him a variation of the "wide puppy eyes" look the entire time.  
  
"Great!" Sirius exclaimed, puppy eyes forgotten, and Remus felt a dire feeling settle in his stomach at the thought of the upcoming "date." Immediately, he made to force a few agreements.  
  
"_But_-," Remus intercepted, cutting off Sirius' rejoicing, "I want confirmation that this Delia isn't as horribly... insufferable as her best friend. As in, not as stupid."  
  
"Oh, Sam says that Delia helps her with her homework-" Sirius began.  
  
"_And_ I want you to swear that you'll dump Sam after this," continued Remus. He knew he was treading on slightly thin ice with this one, but he was fairly certain that Sirius wasn't exactly in love with Sam anymore than the other three Gryffindor boys were.  
  
Certainly enough, Sirius only hesitated a moment before agreeing, "Okay, sure. But she _was_ a good snog." Then, eyes narrowing slightly as he suspected that Remus' conditions weren't quite finished, Sirius questioned, "Anything else?"  
  
"Two things more."  
  
"What?" Sirius asked warily, regarding Remus with a distrusting stare.  
  
"I want a _really_ good Christmas present for this," Remus instructed with a smirk, "and you will _not_ expect me to kiss her."  
  
Sirius grinned, relief evident in his expression, as he answered, "Done and _done_, my friend. But don't worry, Sam says she's pretty, and I'm sure after a few hours, you won't be so prudish, if you know what I mean..." Sirius trailed off, but the suggestive eyebrow raising and cocky smirk said everything that Remus needed to know.  
  
Remus looked towards the sky, wondering belatedly where his sanity had wandered off to. "I _cannot_ believe I just agreed to this..."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
_~~~  
**To Be Continued**, much to Remus' distress...  
  
  
*** "...works of J.R.R. Tolkien."**: I specifically refer to both "Lord of the Rings" and "The Hobbit,", and while Sirius didn't utter an exact quote, it was said under the intent of imitating the language. I may or may not use other quotes from Tolkien's works later in this story, so this bit is mainly just to warn everyone about that. ^_^ I'm a bit of a "Lord of the Rings" fan.  
  
**** "... I was still holding out hope that [Narcissa] would starve to death by a lake."**: here I make reference to the Greek myth of the God Narcissus, who I assume was the inspiration for Narcissa's name. Narcissus, upon seeing his reflection in the lake, fell hopelessly in love with himself, and wound up starving to death because he couldn't leave his reflection. (It's also where the word "narcissistic" comes from, which means, loosely, "vain.") As my friend Andrew said upon hearing this tale, "That's why I always bring a sandwich when I go down by the lake." ^_~ I might make more references to Greek mythology in this story as well, though I'm not sure.  
  
**The Title**: though I did steal my title from William Shakespeare's play, "Much Ado about Nothing," it isn't going to follow the story line. (Though I can, in another scenario, see Sirius as a wonderful Benedict instead of such a lover of women. "Is't come to this? In faith, hath not the world one man but he will wear his cap with suspicion? Shall I never see a bachelor of threescore again?" Indeed.) Rather, I stole it because it sounded cool, and really, this story is going to be much ado about dating. ^_^ I apologize for possibly offending any die-hard Shakespeare fans.  
  
  
In any case, please review if you have the time! Maybe you could suggest some things for Sirius, Remus and co. to do in Muggle London. ~_~; I have a vague outline, but any suggestions are welcome._


	2. Act 1: Exposition Exciting Force

Much Ado About Dating

_Act 1: Exposition; Exciting Force_

Remus Lupin took a small lick from his ice cream cone – double-scoop of mint chocolate chip and banana, a combination which would make the common person cringe – and glanced up at the wall clock. The time read 10:06, which was exactly six minutes after Sirius had told him to meet inside Flourish and Blotts. The fact that Sirius was late was annoying, but considering that it was still twenty-four minutes before they were to meet the girls, Remus couldn't get too irritated. That would come later.

But as it was, Sirius was late, and Remus could only page through Important Wizarding Discoveries of the 1600s so many times. Besides, the manager of the store was eyeing him peculiarly, as if he thought that Remus was going to steal that book and stab his half-eaten ice cream cone into another. Sighing, he placed the book back in its place and turned towards the doorway, thinking to wait for Sirius outside. However, he hadn't gotten more than two steps before a hand clapped down on his shoulder.

"Remus!" a familiar voice chirped loudly – for a bookstore – and caused the five people standing nearby, including the manager, to glare disdainfully in their direction. Remus felt his cheeks flush.

"Keep your voice down, Sirius," reprimanded Remus with a roll of his eyes, half-turning to face his friend. And then blinked.

Sirius' face was alight with excitement, looking much like a wriggling puppy as he clutched Remus arm. Two bright spots of blush on Sirius' cheeks looked odd with his tanned skin, and his expression was nearly manic. However, having known Sirius for four years and been used to such extremities with the boy, Sirius' eager disposition wasn't what made Remus blink. Instead, it was the dark-haired boy's outfit that caused Remus to pause: though clearly a Muggle ensemble, the articles of clothing were thrown together in a fashion that would never, in ordinary society, be used together. Sirius wore a pair of tight-fitting golf pants – a creamy white color with dark blue and green stripes running down the side –, which were held up by a braided black belt. He wore a tight black _Kiss_ t-shirt, and on his arms, donned a patterned blue-and-green arm band, as well as an assortment of metal bracelets. On his head, Sirius wore a beaded hippie headband, and – as if to top off the whole shocking ensemble – a pair of bright blue and green bowling shoes peaked out from under his pants.

And the worst part was, Remus thought as he gaped silently at his friend, that somehow, Sirius _still_ looked good in it. That bastard. Still, with an outfit that outrageous, Remus could not rightly let it be.

"What the bloody _hell_ are you _wearing_?" hissed Remus quietly, incredulity dripping in his voice.

Sirius blinked once, glanced down at his clothing, and then replied, proudly, "Muggle clothing. I stopped by a cheap store on the way over here, and it was really inexpensive, too. Isn't that cool? That's why I'm late, anyway – I had trouble deciding between these shoes and this pair of fuzzy purple ones that were more comfortable. I think the store owner said they were slippas. Isn't that weird? Who calls shoes 'slippas'?"

With an exasperated sigh, Remus dropped his head in his hands and massaged his temples gently. Softly, he murmured, "Didn't you _ever_ pay attention in Muggle Studies?"

"_Yes_, I _did_," Sirius defended himself, "and these are_ Muggle_ clothes."

"Really," muttered Remus dryly, looking back up at Sirius with a raised eyebrow. "Let me restate the question: are you on crack?"

Sirius sniffed indignantly, rolling his eyes. "I still look better than you." He gestured towards Remus' plain blue jeans and t-shirt.

"At least _my_ clothing won't cause seizures."

"Oh, go sod off," Sirius snapped lightly, waving Remus off. "It doesn't matter anyway. We have to go meet the girls."

Remus glanced at the clock, which now read 10:10, and said, "We don't have to meet them for twenty more minutes."

"So?"

"So I want more time to plot my escape."

Sirius gave Remus a disapproving look, shaking his head in a way that reminded Remus rather oddly of McGonagall. Grabbing Remus' wrist – probably in an attempt to forcefully keep Remus there –, Sirius murmured, "Remus, you promised, and if I miss out on this trip into Muggle London, I'm going to be upset."

"Sirius," Remus responded irritably, yanking his arm from Sirius' grasp, "_I_ could have taken you to Muggle London. It's not like I haven't been there."

"But Delia's a native," Sirius whined – yes, _whined_, like a puppy or something – back, opting to instead tug on Remus' shirt sleeve. "And you wouldn't know the intricate stuff, like what a roller coaster is–"

"It's a amusement park ride."

"–or what a video camera is–"

"It records films."

"–or even what good shows are playing at this motion picture show!" Sirius finished.

Remus stared at him darkly for a moment before answering, "For one, it's called a 'movie theater', and personally, I want to see Rocky. It's supposed to be good." After Remus spoke, a silences seemed to descend on the area as the two boys glared at each other. After a minute or so, Sirius sighed and rolled his eyes.

"Fine, I _could_ have just gone with you," conceded Sirius with a shrug of his shoulders, "but you have to admit, you're not quite as easy to look at as the girls."

"I thought you said I was 'rather attractive'," muttered Remus in reply.

"That was just an exaggeration so you'd agree to go."

"Hmph," was Remus' indignant reply as he crossed his arms and glared at Sirius with an annoyed expression. Sirius only grinned in return, still somehow being able to make the monstrosity that was his outfit look normal and even kind of cool. (Remus half suspected Sirius of casting a glamour over his clothes, but considering that he had seen Sirius do this before, with other assortments of clothing, Remus didn't think it was so. Besides, a glamour would make Remus think that Sirius' clothes were top-notch, which they obviously were not.)

"So, let's go then," urged Sirius impatiently, fidgeting.

"You need to calm down," muttered Remus in response, but he proceeded to follow Sirius to the door. Halfway there, however, a book binding caught his eye, and Remus paused to pick it up. He stopped, looking at the cover, and Sirius continued on ahead for a few steps before realizing the hold up.

"Come on, Rem," Sirius cajoled, sounding a bit annoyed, "Stop trying to run away and lets get–"

"I'm just looking," Remus murmured, eyes still caught on the book, the title of which read: _Dark Arts in the Merlin Wars: An Extensive Study_. It was a fairly thick work, at least one thousand pages, by the feel of it, but Remus couldn't help but be interested in the study of ancient curses and wars. After a moment of indecision, Remus said, "I'm going to buy it."

"What?" Sirius asked, apparently having not been paying attention. He then caught sight of the book and stared at his thin friend incredulously. "_That_? You're going to buy _that_? It's bigger than our Defense and Herbology textbooks combined."

"It looks interesting."

"It looks time consuming. And by that, I mean_ long_."

Remus raised an eyebrow at his outrageously dressed companion, and then simply turned towards the purchase counter. "It won't take me that long – I have all of winter break to get a start on it, and I'm a pretty fast reader."

Sirius followed, and asked, "Since when are you interested in ancient curses and stuff anyway? I mean, I could just give you a book on my family history if you really wanted to explore the world of the evil and wicked."

"Thanks," muttered Remus in response as he got in line behind a pudgy old witch with curly white hair, "but I'd rather stay away from the extensive study of the Black family. I'd probably suffer brain damage."

"Too true," agreed Sirius.

The line moved forward slowly, or, at least, a bit too slowly for Sirius. Fidgeting, the dark-haired boy murmured, "C'mon, c'mon, we're going to be late."

Remus again looked at his watch, and replied, "We have at least fifteen minutes."

"I want to be early."

"I don't."

Sirius paused, and gave Remus a determined, serious look. "Remus, I want you to swear on your _honor_ as a mischief maker that you will _not_ be an irritable little git today."

"Since when do we have honor?" quipped Remus, rolling his eyes.

"_Remus_..." Sirius warned, looking as threatening as a person dressed in golf pants and bowling shoes could be. Remus had to give him credit for being able to pull off such a serious disposition in such a ludicrous outfit.

"Fine," agreed Remus after a pause, in which he contemplated whether or not laughing would make Sirius angry. Having decided that it very well might – given Sirius' present state of annoyed impatience –, Remus went along with his friend. "I'll be cordial. I'll be downright _pleasant._ That is, I will be once the girls show up. As you can see, we are alone – in a matter of speaking –, and so I can bitch and moan about this entire outing as much as please."

"_You're_ the one who agreed to it," muttered Sirius as the line moved forward again. The pudgy witch in front of them piled four books on the counter, all of them looking to be some kind of trashy romance novel. Remus gave her a quizzical look that she didn't see.

"_You're_ the one who surprised me with the whiney, guilt-trip ridden plea for me to do so," responded Remus without missing a beat. "And I, being a decent friend, agreed so that you wouldn't miss your precious experience in Muggle London."

Sirius smirked, stating, "But you _did_ agree."

"Most unfortunately, yes. Though, as long as you and Sam don't start making out, I should be fine," assured Remus as he moved up to the counter and showed his book to the clerk. After a few moments, Remus handed the wizard behind the counter a few Galleons and received a handful of Sickles and Knuts in return. Soon, the two boys were outside the shop and making their way towards Ollivanders, where they were to meet the girls.

"And what if we do start making out?" Sirius asked, a cocky grin making its way onto his face. "What then?"

"Then I'll dump my soda on your head, cram my popcorn into Sam's mouth, and start screaming 'rape' loud enough for your _mother_ to hear."

Sirius, a bit dumbfounded by the elaborate response, paused a moment before replying, "You _really_ need to get laid or something, Remus, I swear."

"Shut up," Remus muttered, shooting Sirius a dark glare, "I'm irritated enough as it is."

"Just saying..."

They walked the rest of the way in comfortable silence; neither was truly aggravated by the exchange of insults – as it happened on a regular basis, though more often between James and Sirius – or by the situation fast approaching. Well, to be honest, Remus was extremely aggravated by the situation fast approaching, but he had survived turning into a deranged, vicious beast once a month for roughly ten years now, so it wasn't like a simple day with Sirius and two teenage girls could be any worse.

Or, at least, that's what Remus hoped. At least the werewolf thing was predictable. Girls were pretty much the opposite, as far as Remus could tell, and besides _that_, he had to be _nice_ to them. It wasn't going to be fun.

"Remember," Sirius murmured softly as Ollivanders came into view, and two girls could be seen standing in front of it, "Those traitorous to brethren are buried up to their necks in ice." ****

"Dante can bite me," Remus hissed back.

Sirius gave Remus a flashy grin, baring his teeth briefly, before saying, "Just a reminder."

Remus made to growl at him, but at that moment, the girls noticed the two of them approaching, and Remus had to turn his intense glower into a pleasant smile. Sam waved cheerfully, and Remus was surprised to see that she was actually dressed rather tastefully: she wore a pair of jeans held up with a sturdy brown belt, and had a button up green-and-brown blouse tucked into them. Her friend, presumably Delia, was wearing a short red skirt with a white top, and red ankle boots. Remus surveyed the girl quickly, noting that she was fairly pretty – she had long brown hair and square glasses that set off her features rather nicely – and she had a decent figure, for a fourteen-year-old girl. Unfortunately, she also looked like someone had overdone the makeup charm just a bit – most likely Sam – and the stench of perfume was radiating from the two of them intensely. It took all of Remus' self control not to start gagging as the powerful flowery scent hit him; didn't girls realize the power in being _subtle_ with their noxious odors?

"Sam, sweetheart," Sirius greeted, sounding exactly like the dutiful boyfriend he was supposed to. Remus, suppressing an almost fiendish burst of glee, happily remembered that Sirius had promised to break up with Sam after this horrid day was over. It was a lot of effort not to smirk. And it wound up taking _too_ much effort not to look away in disgust as Sirius greeted his blonde girlfriend with a kiss; luckily, Remus thought he did a fairy good job of covering it up by looking into a nearby shop window and feigning interest.

"Oh, Siri," Sam was saying as Remus looked back, tucking a curl of her long blonde hair behind her ear. "I was just wondering when you would get here!" She kissed him again. "Delia and I were just hanging out, y'know, but we were so terribly worried that you two would be late! Y'know how they say boys are and all."

"Yeah, I understand," Sirius agreed, nodding, but Remus noticed a certain gazed over look in his eyes, the kind he got whenever James rambled on too much about Lily Evans, or just before he fell asleep in History of Magic. "How long have you been here?"

"Oh, just about ten minutes or so and – oh! Remus!" Sam looked as though she had just noticed that Remus was there, and she flashed him a brilliant smile. Though the thought of being irritable crossed his mind, Remus remembered Sirius' warning – and noticed Sirius' covert glare – and opted to go the other way.

"Sam, it's wonderful to see you," Remus replied, smiling sincerely – or so it would seem – at the girl and nodding his head to her. "How was break so far for you?"

"Oh, it was super!" Sam replied, releasing Sirius' arm to hug Remus enthusiastically. Remus tensed – he was _not_ one for intense shows of emotion or unnecessary physical contact, even with his friends – but tried to maintain his pleasant demeanor. Sam pulled away after a few moments, adding, "My parents like to spoil me rotten, y'know, and I got some really cute new clothes. Like these jeans; don't you like them? I adore them! And my Mum let me have a whole bunch of shopping money today, for before the movie; isn't that nice?!"

The entire babbling paragraph left Remus feeling a bit dumbfounded, though he smiled and nodded at what he thought were appropriate spots. Looking over Sam's head, Remus noticed Sirius chatting with Delia. Sirius looked over at him at the same time and smirked slightly; Remus tried his best not to grimace back.

"–can you believe it, though?" Sam had finished saying something, and Remus was lost for what.

"Er–" he began, "No. I can't believe it..."

"I _know_!" Sam exclaimed, looking thrilled that Remus agreed with her. "But Mum insisted that the shirt was cute, even though it was completely out of date, and... Oh!" Sam clapped a hand on her cheek, and actually looked somewhat appalled. "I haven't introduced you to Delia! I am _so_ sorry, Remus!"

"It's oka–" started Remus, but he was cut off as Sam grabbed his hand and dragged him over to Sirius and Delia, still looking horrified with herself.

"Mum would be so upset with me if she knew, y'know," Sam murmured, and pulled to a halt beside the others. "Delia, this is Remus Lushin, Sirius' friend."

"Lupin," corrected Remus quietly, making sure to look cordial as he did so. Behind Delia, he could see Sirius trying not to laugh, and Remus bared his teeth a bit, hoping it looked like a smile.

"Right, Lupin," replaced Sam absently, before continuing, "And Remus, this is Delia Thompson."

Delia smiled and held out her hand, and Remus had to note that, underneath the makeup, she was a pretty girl: soft and supple and all that stuff. She had lovely looking eyes, which were a unique shade of blue, and her figure was nice. She wasn't the type of girl that Remus would normally be attracted to – she was a bit too thin, and her face was kind of pinched, exacerbated by her long nose –, but nothing was overall unattractive about her. Remus shook Delia's hand.

"It's nice to meet you," greeted Remus, not having to try so hard to sound pleasant anymore. Most of the hideous perfume was coming from Sam, and Delia seemed to be quieter, so maybe this day wouldn't be so bad.

"I've always wondered about that," Delia murmured, her voice surprisingly being a low alto. "That phrase, 'it's nice to meet you.' Is it? I mean, how do you know? What if I was actually someone who you'll despise later, and you rather have never met me? Would you still think of saying that? Maybe people should say something like 'I now meet you' or the like, to make it simpler. At least less complicating, anyway. No emotion involved."

Remus blinked at the random philosophy, and managed to reply, "Er – I've never really thought about it..."

"Well, more people should, I think," Delia informed him promptly, smiling as if she had just made a joke. Remus inwardly sighed, vaguely wondering just which Gods had it in for him and what sacrifices he would need to make to get them to lay off. (Sacrifices he would be perfectly happy to make, especially if they involved any one of the three people currently around him. Hell, Remus would _offer_ up Sirius to any God who wanted him, whether they were vengeful or not.)

"So!" Sirius blurted suddenly, apparently noticing Remus' silent distress, "Where is this motion theater thing, anyway?" He clapped his hands together in excitement, looking like a little boy; Remus had to suppress a snort of laughter.

"Oh, we passed it on the way here, didn't we, Delia?" Sam chirped, flipping her long blonde hair behind her shoulder. "It was _so_ big and cool! For a Muggle place, that is, and really, it's not like Muggles are that bad, y'know." She grinned a sparkling grin at Remus, asking, "Don't you think so?"

"I'm half-blood," answered Remus by way of explanation. Over Sam's shoulder, Remus saw Sirius wince, but before he could wonder why, Delia began talking again.

"I think it's horrible how we segregate people by their blood," Delia said, giving Remus a dark look that made him wonder if she was blaming him for the aforementioned custom. "It only serves to further separate the wizarding community until we are all subject to our own little classes and drinking stations, which isn't good for _anyone_. People who rant and rave about class systems and the purity of blood have little to no research to back them up, and are simply going by tradition and the views shoved upon them by their parents, which hardly–"

"Um, Delia?" Sam interjected, a hand on her hip as she twirled a strand of hand around her finger. "Could we, like, walk while we talk? I want to shop for awhile before we see the movie."

"Sure," Delia acquiesced, moving to walk beside her blonde friend. She continued, "You get what I'm saying, right, Sam? The only way the wizarding world is going to move forward is if we shake away these mislead views of the past and join together in strength. Did you know, in America, they just had a civil rights movement by the African-Americans, which resulted in equal rights for all citizens? I think it applies here, though obviously the wizarding community isn't so horrible as to forbid rights from another person."

"Uh-huh, Delia..." Sam murmured in response.

Sirius moved to stand by Remus as they walked comfortably down the sidewalk. Looking a bit shameful, he said, "I probably should have warned you about Delia's rants."

"That would have been nice, yes," Remus replied, looking pale-faced from the sudden long-windedness of Delia's speech.

"She's really not that bad. Just stay away from... controversial topics."

"Sirius, she launched into a rant when I said _hello_," Remus informed his obviously deluded friend. "How less controversial can one get?"

Sirius had the grace to look embarrassed. "Well, yeah... I guess she's a bit... out there. I'm usually busy with Sam, so I don't really notice... that much... Heh." He laughed nervously.

Remus regarded him for a long moment, before stating, simply, "I hate you."

Sirius wisely didn't say anything, and stepped a couple of feet away from Remus immediately. They continued walking in silence. Luckily, the girls up front didn't notice either the earlier conversation or the sudden lack thereof, as Delia was busy convincing Sam of the importance of some topic or another, while Sam listened blithely.

They walked for awhile before Sirius grew fidgety – they had left Diagon Alley, walked out into the heart of Muggle London, and were still walking. Sam was now giggling about something involving her brother and a broken door, which Remus had only vaguely listened to. Sirius fidgeted some more, and Remus finally glanced at him.

"What?"

"When are we going to get there?" hissed Sirius back.

"Why are you asking me?" Remus asked. "I'm not in charge."

"But," Sirius said, "You said you knew all about Muggle London."

"Did not," muttered Remus. "I said I could have shown you around. That doesn't mean I know all about the different roads and possible locations that we could possibly–"

"We're here!" Sam chirped happily, hands on her hips. Sirius and Remus looked up, startled, and saw a professional, glamorous building in front of them. A fancy name was spelled out in elegant, curving letters, but it was so elaborate and decorated that Remus couldn't actually tell what it was supposed to say. The front window displayed fancy, sparkly dresses and daring, high-heeled shoes. And the entire store's color scheme seemed to be pink and yellow.

"Here?" Sirius repeated, his voice raising an octave.

"Of course, silly," Sam cooed, apparently finding Sirius's dumbfounded expression funny. "I told you, Delia and I wanted to do some shopping before the movie! You don't mind, do you, Si-poo?" She twirled a strand of hair around her finger in a way that she clearly thought was cute and pouted her lip out slightly.

Remus fought the urge to strangle her with that annoyingly long hair, and Sirius audibly choked.

"Er–"

"The movie doesn't start for another two hours," Delia informed them cooly. "What else would we do?"

His growing annoyance aside, Remus was actually amused by the frozen expression on Sirius' face. It had been awhile since he had seen anything completely shock Sirius speechless, and it was a sight to remember.

"Ah–," Sirius said again, glancing at Remus for support (which Remus happily didn't give.) "Sure," he finally said, smiling a little too brightly to be real. "Yeah, shopping sounds okay."

"Great!" Sam said, looking entirely too smug. Hooking arms with Delia, she said, "We're going to get right to it, y'know? Let's go, Delia!" The two girls turned and walked into the shop, leaving a still-staring Sirius and a vaguely bemused Remus outside. For a few moments, all was quiet, before Sirius finally broke out of his stunned state and looked at Remus pleadingly.

Remus raised an eyebrow, muttering, "Don't look at me. She's _your_ girlfriend."

Sirius' responsive whimper was better than a puppy's.

* * *

_ _

To Be Continued... and now Sirius joins Remus in distress.

**"A thrift store, I think it was called..."** – I'm not sure, exactly, if there are thrift stores in London. I'm sure there are, but whether or not they're called thrift stores is beyond me. And yes, Sirius was in Muggle London by himself for a moment to buy the clothes. He has been there before, but never experienced anything like the movie theater. And there are maps.

**"Those traitorous to brethren are buried up to their necks in ice." **– Dante's Inferno. Great book, if you're into excessive Christianity, torture and, y'know, hell. There are a whole bunch of levels for multiple different sins, and being traitorous to brethren is one of the worst ones. Kind of (almost) makes me feel bad for Peter.

**The various "Muggle" outfits** – Remember that this story is taking place in the seventies. I'm trying my best to get some basic 70s fashion involved, though I am going to mess it up a bit. And so, please just accept the clothing. ; (And yes, Sirius does look good in anything. Fanon!Proven fact.)

Sorry for taking so long – I'm lazy and often procrastinate. ; I'll try harder to get the next part out faster, this I vow. (And it's summer, so that should make it easier. Or so one hopes.) Also, for those who commented on the possibility of slash in this story... I'm afraid that I didn't have any plans for SiriusxRemus in this story. But it could be construed as pre-slash, I suppose, and I've been tossing around the idea of writing a more slashy sequel. Not sure, though. In any case, I'm glad you read this, and please review, if you have time!


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